Seasons of Love

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

525600 minutes. 

No, this is not me reciting "Rent", although, if there was a musical to recite, that would be the one. It's just that I sat down in front of the computer with Blogger open but no words in my brain and that song popped into my head.

Appropriate given the day.

Tomorrow marks my return to work. My return to work following a year-long maternity leave.

525600... how do you measure, measure a year?

My pregnancy was a surprise. It felt long and short at the same time. I felt awful. I was unsure, lacking confidence in my ability to parent another baby. Wondering, as all mothers do, how I'd find a way to love another human being with the same ferocity as my first two.

And then she arrived. Lillian, my Lily Girl. Needless to say my concerns vanished. 9 months of worry gone in an instant. She was mine and I was hers. She just fit. It's like the Grinch who stole Christmas, my heart grew three sizes that day.

I've said it before but I'll say it again, Lillian was meant to be a part of our family. It was like the universe was privy to a plan we had absolutely no knowledge of. I am grateful every single day that there was a bigger plan for us.

personality for DAYS!

I return to work tomorrow and it's not just Lily I'm leaving. I feel like it automatically shifts things for Annabelle and Oliver too. Dinners won't be ready when they come home. Life will be a little (or a lot) more rushed. There will be times where I have to work late and I won't see them. There will be work stress in addition to life stress. 

Don't get me wrong (and I may be cursed for saying this), I'm not stay at home mom material. I admire the women who can and do stay at home but I need to work (for both financial and mental well-being). I need to work but that doesn't make it easy. Does that even make sense?

I wish there was some way to balance it - be home but also work. I mean, I know it's possible, it's just not possible for me right now.

Before you ask, yes, Oliver very much enjoyed this photoshoot **insert eyeroll emoji here**

I'm grateful for a year. I am beyond grateful to live in a country that values (and helps financially support) women and men who stay home with their children. I can't imagine less than a year. But a year is a blip on the radar that is life... only 525600 minutes after all.
In the essence of being grateful and finding the positive here are my lists:
I'm looking forward to:
having a reason to get "ready" in the morning
talking to adults other than my husband (I love my husband, but I'll appreciate more adult interaction on the regular"
all the coffee
work treats (double edge sword but I'm being positive so yay yummy stuff)
learning more (I love doing extra training etc)
walks on my lunch
finding balance (or trying to find balance)
running errands on my lunch (time to do all the things)

Mat leave moments I'm grateful for:
being able to pick-up Annabelle from school
walks with my babies
excursions to the park
long car rides (while kids nap and I listen to books)
play groups
all the coffee
the giggles
the snuggles
the "firsts"
one-on-one time with each of my kiddos
group naps!
play dates

getting all three kids looking in the same direction, eyes open and smiling is akin to mission impossible. I kid you not.

5265600 minutes... they were NOT all easy but they were OURS and I'm grateful to have had them.

I'll leave with this:

525600 minutes
525600 moments so dea
525600 minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
525600 minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love