#whatmomsgoogle - mom milestones

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Welcome to #whatmomsgoogle where your two resident hot-mess-moms discuss what real moms are googling. We don't promise to be right but we do promise to be real and it's highly likely you'll leave feeling better about your parenting. Or, at the very least, slightly entertained. 

This week's google search: mommy milestones 

We talk about all things baby ALL the time because, let's be serious, once those little things are here they kind of take over.I distinctly remember talking about all things baby ALL the time (okay, that hasn't changed entirely) but sometimes this was at the exclusion of myself.

HELLO!!!! We givers-of-life matter too and we have our own milestones to muddle through.

Let's get back to mom, afterall there have also been many a Google queries about mom-stuff too.

We're talking Mom Milestones

mommy milestones by simply shaunacey
 OH LOOK! Daddy's Home... thank God!

Before we delve right into it, there's needs to be a disclaimer because, just like the baby milestones, moms will hit these (or not) whenever the heck they're good and ready. You might get timelines from your doc, from Google or from your mom-friends but guess what? Just like those stubborn babes of ours, YOU get to do these all in your own time (some, whether you like it or not. See: revenge of the uterus).

Gettin' jiggy with it - no, I don't mean the first time you bust a move to an old school Will Smith tune (although, that's fun too) I'm talking sex (dad, for the love of all things good in the world STOP reading NOW)........ we good? Dad-free? Cool, let's do this (sorry, had to). You might have had a beautiful, medication-free birth with no tearing (congrats to you) OR you may have gotten all the drugs, all the snipping and all the stitches (in which case, your hubs may also be scarred for life). You may have had a c-section OR any mix of the aforementioned. For the most part, despite how your babe arrived, your body went through some kind of trauma. Your doctor will likely tell you to wait the obligatory 6 weeks before getting cozy with your partner. At 5 weeks, you might feel fan-freaking-tastic and decide you're ready to give it a go. OR you might decide to tell your partner that your doctor recommended waiting 3 months post-baby. Hypothetically. 
For most, it's kinda scary on many levels to even consider getting busy after a baby. I won't lie, I was terrified, after each kid. Like watching Carrie for the first time scared. Then there's the whole "I don't want to make another one of these things EVER" and "I could be sleeping right now". If you've been there, you know what I'm talking about and if you haven't or are there right now here's what I suggest: talk to your partner, be kind to yourself, take the time you need and for the love of God, be quiet! You wake that baby and you'll never do it again!

ALL the wine - and by "all the wine" I mean half a glass because even sniffing the cork after not drinking for 9 months might be enough to get ya all warm and fuzzy. Pretty much the entire 9 months of my pregnancy I longed for a glass of red and then I had a few sips and was like 'WHOA'. So, ya know, have the wine but be careful. Also, a few sips may or may not help with the above mentioned milestone - just sayin'.

we don't typically huddle around the computer to drink wine and watch a movie but the power was out *hence the romantic ambiance - don't worry, it's NOT normal*

Solo chats about the kids - aka Date night. I longed for a date with Mr. B after both children and then I realized, during our first child-free time together, that ALL we talked about the entire time was the kids. And the worrying... oh the worry. Then I, with the baby radar, managed to spot every single baby and child in the vicinity and played peek-a-boo while sipping my beer and missing my babies. I think this is normal and I know it gets better the more dates you have. Trust me when I say, if you have trustworthy people to watch your kids, go on dates, go on lots of dates. Eventually, you'll be able to enjoy each other's company at a level kinda sorta close to pre-kids and I promise you'll talk about the children a little bit less each time but you'll still stalk your phone for any evidence things are amiss. #momlife

mom milestone - day date at jays game
day date!! This was later on in our post-kid dating journey so we were able to focus on the game and not talk kids the entire time. Go Jays, I mean us, go us.

Revenge of the Uterus - or, as some people refer to it, your first post-partum period (and for me the 5 subsequent ones too - the fun never stops folks). Seriously, SERIOUSLY is this just me? I was NOT prepared for this one. I kind of ignorantly expected menstrual cycles to just get back to the way they were before pregnancy. Well now I feel dumb. Instead, it was like my insides were possessed by some kind of woman-hating demon and the only way to exorcise said beast was by not-so-gently shedding the entire contents of my body. Ya. Fun. And while we're being all TMI up in here, I obviously need to tell you that I was blessed with my first revenge of the uterus my first day in Vegas. Apparently I have quite the spiteful little uterus, thanks buddy.

I don't even want to know what my angry uterus looks like. I really don't.

Moms night out - sounds fun, doesn't it? If you're anything like me your first moms night out will consist of two drinks over an early dinner and home before bedtime (theirs, not yours - although, not too far off). Baby steps. Sometimes it's easier to work your way up to these things. I took a trip to Vegas 9 months after having baby #2 but had to work my way up to that by gradually leaving the house for longer periods of time (rough, right?). I told myself I was doing this for him, but the truth of the matter is it was me that needed the graduated distance so that I didn't breakdown while away. He survived and despite the revenge of the uterus mentioned above, I not only made it through but had an amazing, albeit crampy, time. 
My point? Part of me wants to tell you to get out when you're ready but being really ready and needing it were two different things for me. I wanted to be all and do all and putting myself first was not something I was good at. So, if you're a mom needing a push, GET OUT!!! Go for a drink, or a walk, or a yoga class OR to Vegas, whatever your jam.

mom milestone - girls night out
ya, that's red wine (and expensive stuff too) in pricey cups. Don't judge.

A night filled with sleep - you (rightly) decided the few consecutive hours of sleep were more important than getting jiggy and then you wake up in a cold sweat because it's hours past your babe's typical early wake-up time. You panic. We ALL panic. You'll stalk the monitor and you might even sneak into the baby's room and either be loud enough to wake said sleeping baby OR hover with your hand just under their nose to ensure they're breathing. I mean, that's what I heard people do. 
The first time your baby sleeps for a long stretch usually isn't the bliss you imagined it would be. I could tell you to enjoy it, embrace it, but if I did that you'd be sitting there, milk soaked shirt and aching breasts while panicking that something is wrong with your baby. We wait for this day and for some of us we wait a long-ass time and then when it comes we are in full-blown panic mode. The first decent night of sleep is anything but. The thing though? It's a sign of things to come, you WILL sleep again but don't get your hopes up that just because it happened once that this is the new norm, your baby will sense that and immediately go back to waking every 2 hours. 

sleeping toddler
aww muffin... is she breathing? is that blanket too close to her face? what if she's sick?

Moms: there are so many firsts that our babies experience but also so many that we experience too. Just as we revel in the progression of our children, so should we too celebrate achieving our own milestones (minus the revenge of the uterus, that just sucks).

mom milestone - vacuuming with kid attached
the first time you realize you're getting NOTHING done unless you have a child attached to you

mom milestone - breastfeeding in car
the first time you breastfeed in a parking lot - obviously selfie-worthy

In the virtually endless lists of milestones remember that some are more important than others, some will stick with you for years to come, treasure those ones and try not to let the not-so-awesome ones drag you down (yes, I'm referring to YOU my angry little uterus). I'll leave this on a positive (cause I'm nice like that) here are some milestones you'll want to remember:

the first time you feel lost in love with your baby - for some it's the second that baby is placed on your chest or in your arms, for others it's later, once you've gotten to know each other a little better. It's beautiful, overwhelming and kind of scary. This love, this unconditional love is so big, so strong, so much greater than you ever imagined. The feeling of being right where you belong but also such a strong sense of vulnerability. Heavy stuff folks, heavy stuff.

mom milestone - holding baby first time
all the feels... I can't even

the first time your baby smiles at you - the first few weeks are hard for many (myself included), you're basically caring for a fairly unresponsive little person 24/7. You're tired, so very tried. Then they smile (and people will blame gas but you'll KNOW, you will KNOW it's real - stick with that, it's better that way) and somehow every moment, all the lack of sleep, all the milk-stained clothing somehow seems worth it. You'll spend the next few moments, weeks, months even years trying to make that baby smile and enjoying every single one. And then they laugh... oh the laughs.

mom milestones - first baby smile
OMG even now I just want to melt from cuteness

the first time you child spontaneously says "I love you" - Oh my heart. I vividly remember the first time this happened and obviously, being my unsentimental self, I cried my eyes out. I still find it the sweetest thing ever when my 3 year old says she loves me... well, so long as she's not after a freezie or something.

mom milestone - getting dressed by child
the first time you let your child dictate what you're wearing. The bib looks kinda nice on me, no? Also, that's a fake ice cream sandwich which is kinda just cruel. Now I want ice cream.

What mommy milestones stand out to you? I want the good, bad and obviously the hilarious!

mommy milestones simply shaunacey
Pretty sure I said to go BEFORE we left. Why is my back wet? 

WAIT, the fun isn't over yet friends, Abbie is sharing what dads bring (um, timely much?) on her blog so get there RIGHT NOW!!!! 

AND don't forget to come back next week to see how we answer your burning mom questions... or questions about burning something. Whatever.

Click HERE to ask... you know you want to.