Why? There a number of reasons I
Let me be honest here. Real honest. Life is kicking my ass right now. Yes, I said ass, clearly the expletive means I'm serious.
I sit here in leggings and a t-shirt (note: the tank under covers my butt and I didn't leave the house... okay, that's a lie, I didn't leave the car - thank the sweet lord for drive-thru coffee). My unwashed hair is thrown up in a clip and I literally do not have a drop of makeup on (unless you count the residual from yesterday's mascara that didn't come off completely and I didn't have the energy/time/care to deal with today). The bags under my eyes are my newest accessory.
tiara thanks to mini-me (you obviously need a tiara to play barbies). My mug is clearly being sarcastic... jerk. I had to bleach this out because, you know, bags. Also, yes, that's a giant mug of coffee... with no milk.. UGH.
What's going on? Well, I suppose that if I could adequately answer this question my problems would be solved but I'll try to sum it up for ya. My little man is having a rough go and thus, as am I.
I haven't talked much about my little man and his issues here because, well, he's super cute and sweet and I love the little guy to bits. Also, I'm blessed with two relatively healthy children and complaining about them on a public forum just seems wrong (privately is a whole other ballgame... kidding... kind of).
Little man has had reflux since he was just a few weeks old and has struggled with digestive issues. What does this mean? It means he's uncomfortable a lot of the time. It means he cries a lot but doesn't sleep much. It means he spits up a thousand times a day and I do a lot of laundry (I use the term do loosely because I just wash it and throw it in baskets and thank goodness my mom and sister in law come over sometimes and help me fold it). It means that he has to be upright for 30 min after eating and wants to be held CONSTANTLY.
In addition to his regular issues he has a cold and is teething like crazy. This means he is up every 1.5-2 hours at night. That's a good night, because there were a few nights we would try and put him down and he'd wake up every 5 min. Literally EVERY 5 min!! It's impossible to get him to nap and if you do happen to get him to sleep, he wakes up the second you try and put him in his crib or swing.
What does this mean for me? It means my house is a mess, it means I need help to keep up with laundry, it means I don't get dressed (unless changing out of pjs to leggings and a t-shirt counts?). It means I haven't commented back on blogs or even read any other blogs. It means I don't sleep. EVER. Because, remember, in addition to my little man, I also have a 2.5 year old toddler... and, you know, terrible twos are a legit thing. Legit.
OH and, because I'm not enough of a glutton for punishment, I have cut dairy from my diet (as I suspect little man may have an allergy). In case you were wondering, Christmas is NOT the time of the year to cut dairy. No cheese, no chocolate, no gravy. Did I say no cheese? Did I mention no chocolate?! UGH. FYI all good things are dairy. If you want to go dairy-free, cut out everything you love. It's the icing on the cake. Oh wait, icing has butter, which is dairy, and I can't have that.
I'm also a wee bit grumpy (in case you didn't notice). But that little man, he smiles. Sometimes he smiles so big and so cute that my whole (utterly exhausted) heart just melts in a second. And that wild toddler? Sometimes, despite my constant nagging, runs up to me and throws her arms around me exclaiming "I love you mommy" and I smile. Sure, it might be a weak, tired, worn-out smile, but it's in there. The happy, it's there just buried under the tired.
are you kidding me? regardless of how sleep-deprived I am, that's one cute baby. No matter how many nights he keeps me up, one look with those baby blues and I'm mush!
This little girl has enough personality to last a life-time but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I trust that one day I'll be thankful for her strong-will!
I know I'll sleep again (though it might be a while) and I know that this is one of the hardest parts (I hope) but right now, right now I'm in it and it's kicking my ass.
I apologize for not responding for comments, for not commenting on blogs and not being a good bloggy-friend but life is happening. It's honestly a small miracle I had time to write this unfiltered rant (as I write that, I can hear my toddler still awake - it's 8:38 - and I see little man stirring on the monitor).
This is life folks. I've reverted back to my original frumpy mommy self... instead of promising to improve, I'm going to embrace it, and when I'm ready, when I've had some sleep (be it a week or a year from now) maybe I'll get back to wearing stuff outside of pajamas and gym wear (because you know damn well I haven't seen a gym lately) and reading and commenting on all your awesome blogs. One day I'll get back to having time in the evenings to get some blog stuff done and also spend some times with my husband. Now, is not that time, but it will come... right?!
Shaunacey... the frumpy and very tired mommy