to my littles

Monday, October 26, 2015

Dear littles

This time in my life is strange and challenging. Becoming a mom again and remembering how to care for a baby while balancing a busy toddler can be beyond taxing on a person. Never mind that the person attempting to sustain these two beings is running on minimal sleep and not nearly enough coffee.

Having said that, regardless of my current state, there are somethings I need you both to know.

Annabelle: you're busy and loud, outgoing and wild, talkative and bright but all of these things in a great and beautiful way. I know I don't celebrate the wonder of you enough, but I'm trying to and I hope you see that. I know I lose my temper and can be short with you, but you need to know that I revel in the light that truly emanates from your being. There's nothing that warms my heart like watching you dance without a care or the pure joy on your face when you see me after being apart for only a short time. You are miraculous, I hope you know that.

Oliver: you're a fussy baby and it seems like you never sleep. Sometimes it feels like all you do is eat, spit-up and poop but my gosh you're smile melts my heart in an instant.  All the frustrations fade away when you give me that perfect toothless grin. I am so taken with your sweet face and the way you lock eyes with me and smile immediately. I could (and do) spend hours just talking back and forth with you and delighting in how proud you are when you make a new sound. You are miraculous, I hope you know that.

infant and toddler
photo credit: MillerEllis

When I look back on this time in the future, I'm sure I'll vaguely remember the lack of sleep, the stress and the feeling of never getting all of the things completed on my never-ending to-do list. What I will remember are the snuggles, early morning, afternoon, before bed and even middle of the night. I will smile at the thought of each and every one.

I won't remember what a mess our house was but I will remember how sweet it was to see a big sister caress her baby brother's head and gently give him a kiss on the cheek (and sometimes not so gently).

I'll forget feeling grumpy that I didn't get to sit down to eat my supper for the fourth night in a row because I was holding or feeding a baby that only wanted his mom. Instead, I'll fondly remember a little baby boy who loved his momma so much he wanted to be with her as much as possible.

I'll forget having to peel stickers off the floor and constantly picking up toddler toys. Instead I will lovingly remember how my sweet girl liked to play, explore and create.

I hope you'll both forget the times I get frustrated and instead you'll remember the times I can keep myself in check and sit down and just 'be' with you both. I hope you'll always remember how truly and deeply loved you both are, regardless of how many time outs you might get. I also hope you both grow up to be friends, to love each other with even a fraction of the love I have for each of you.

I complain a lot but at the end of the day, I'm so very thankful for you both. You've made my life complete in the most messy and beautiful of ways.

My beautiful babies, I love you so much.

Love always,

your momma