the item of clothing I dread the most...

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Another confession: I have a VERY strong and perhaps irrational fear of white pants. White clothing in general freaks me out but white pants seriously terrify me.

Am I the only one?

Like many style-challenged individuals, I rely heavily on Pinterest to assist me in putting together outfits. Well as spring approaches (I guess it's technically here, but there's still snow on the ground here so I'm still waiting) I'm frequenting Pinterest and searching "spring outfits". I find so many things that I'm about to "pin" and then I catch myself because although it's a wonderfully coordinated and super cute outfit, the pants are white. WHITE. White is the colour (yes, I spelled colour with a 'u' - blame Canada) that shows EVERYTHING! There's no forgiveness with white.

All Pinterest has to offer is white white and MORE white.

I LOVE the look of white pants (on other people) and I am constantly getting emails (damn you Gap) about how white pants are "in" but I. JUST. CAN'T.

I can recall two occasions where I've worn white pants. The first, I bought white capri pants in university and wore them out to the bar (I believe that erroneous decision was inspired by a guy I liked saying he LOVED how girls looked in white pants - he is not my husband so we can imagine how that went). Anyways, I don't remember that ending horribly but I also wore them to the bar so I'm not sure I'd remember if it did end horribly. The second time was in Mexico this past January. I wore white pants out to dinner. With a baby. It could have gone horribly wrong but it didn't. I was paranoid all night and was so happy to get back to our room without being covered in dinner.

What's the issue? I don't know, maybe I'm afraid mother nature will all of the sudden decide for aunt flo to make an early appearance or that I'll sit in ketchup or chocolate. I'm also not exactly the most graceful person on the planet. There is a strong likelihood that my morning coffee would be spilled all over my lap (I've learned, you can't see coffee on dark jeans or black pants!) or I'd walk through mud puddle and have to walk around the rest of the day with coffee on my lap and/or mud around my ankles.
Am I over-thinking this? Probably. Does that change anything? No.

Another complicating factor, I'm not "supermodel skinny" and I've read white pants can make you appear larger. Do I really  need to put myself in a situation where I'm looking larger than normal AND likely covered in my breakfast and/or lunch and/or whatever I've happened to walk through/drink whatever? It's just a risk I'm not sure I'm willing to take. If the day comes, where I dare wear (say that 10 times fast) white it will likely be a day where I happen to be fasting (not that that has/will ever happened) or I'll be forced to eat transparent foods the entire day (white grapes for breakfast, lunch and dinner anyone?). Until that day comes, frumpy mommy needs to find an alternative. *sigh*

the napless wonder takes a nap

I can legitimately say that some of my frump comes from laziness and being tired. It's hard to find the time and energy to look decent when you've been up all night and your child doesn't nap unless it's on you.
Like many, prior to the arrival of mini-me, I had the very misinformed belief that babies slept a lot and that that sleep came easily. Apparently mini-me did NOT get that memo. Generally, she slept well at night (until around 9 months and then all hell broke loose) but she has fought naps like CRAZY. Much of my frump is the result of having a napless child.

To get ready with the company of mini-me takes about three times longer than pre-baby (I'm probably being generous there, it's more like five or six times longer). I have to stop regularly to stop her from licking the toilet, closing her fingers in the vanity drawers, ripping the toilet paper into tiny little pieces... the list goes on. 
The point: I feel like I won the freaking lottery when the babe actually puts herself to sleep in her crib and it happened today! It's one day and one nap but I'll take it. It may seem small to most but to me it's the sweetest victory.

Now, what the heck am I doing blogging in pajamas at 10:30am, watching Gilmore Girls (as if I haven't seen every episode ever made) and casually drinking coffee? I SHOULD be in the shower, trying to put an outfit together than doesn't involve Lululemon and maybe brushing my hair.

And she's up! I've offically spent all my "spare" time between facebook and here and now have to battle with the toilet-licking little person while I try and throw myself together. *off to chug the rest of my coffee.

It would seem that toilet-licking is no longer the thing to do while mommy showers. I thought I had been proactive by removing the toilet paper from the holder so I wouldn't exit my shower to floor filled with toilet paper confetti. Apparently the metal toilet paper roll holder makes a nice loud noise when banged against the glass shower door. Unfortunately, this startled me to the point of jumping and landing on my razor (which thankfully had the cover on - let's be serious, the cover was on because the thing doesn't get used nearly as much as it should these days). I cut my shower short but then was stranded in the shower stall because mini-me barricaded me in there. It's a wee bit tricky to move a toddler who is propped up against the door. I was literally throwing toys out of the shower to try and get her to move and get them. Finally, she moved enough that I was free.
Moral of the story: if your napless child naps, GO TAKE A SHOWER BY YOURSELF! 

I have a confession: I am a frumpy mommy

Thursday, March 27, 2014

My little princess, Annabelle, is almost 1 and what that means is that this mommy will be heading back to work in a few short (very short) weeks*. Unfortunately for me, contemplating my return to work has also lead me to the very disappointing conclusion that dun dun dun: I am a frumpy mommy. Gasp. How the hell did this happen? Can this seriously be remedied in a few short weeks?

Two problems (okay many more than two but I'll be easy on myself here): 
1. I've spent the bulk of the last year in yoga pants and/or pajamas. 
2. As of this moment, if I return to work without shopping, my lovely colleagues will get a déjà vu from approximately two years ago. Apparently when you have a kid you spend all your money on them. Yup, my child is more fashionable than me. Shame. 

Sure, I've been über comfy the last year which has facilitated lots of quality time with my little cutie BUT I've often felt like a giant sack of poop when I have been out and about with said cutie.
Also, I've decided it's unacceptable for me to return to work as the twin of myself two years prior. I mean, fashions have surely changed since then, right?!
Most importantly, the times I do give an effort, I feel MUCH better about myself. I feel more confident and that's a great feeling. Typically, when you look good, you feel good. Simple deduction would indicate that if I looked better more of the time, I would feel better more of the time. That's what I'm going for!

The HOW is going to be the really tricky part! Sadly, I don't think "What Not to Wear" is on anymore. Enter this blog. I'm going to commit in print to try and lose (at least some) of my current frumpiness (is that a word?) and kick my style up a notch. This isn't going to be quick and it certainly won't be easy (I'm also pretty positive it IS going to be a little embarrassing).

Some facts you should know as I forge ahead into this:
What I am not
- rich
- super fashionable (clearly)
- a toothpick (this will also be obvious)
- full of spare time (we can blame work and mini-me for that one)
What I am:
- comfortable. I cannot wear heels everyday. I WILL die. Plus, have you ever carried a small child in heels? F that. 
- thrifty (sometimes)
- sarcastic 
I'm not a complete fashion disaster at all times (I can, on occasion, feel like I look somewhat put together) the bigger issue is that style doesn't come naturally to me and I don't often put forward the effort. I will need to delve into the depths of the internet and fashion magazines etc. for help (and I will give credit where credit is due: HELLO Pinterest!).

So here goes nothing. There will be posts about clothes, makeup, hair and parenting... And whatever else I feel so inclined to write about. 
I'll also share, wait for it, the disaster that currently is my closet (this won't be pretty). Due to being a clothes hoarder, I'm confident that there will be some articles of clothing I own that are hilarious to not only me, but anyone who else has the misfortune of seeing them. AND if you're reading and willing, you can (and need to) help me!!!
Here we go....

*mat leave in Canada is one year (yes, we are extremely lucky!)